amishmechanism (amishmechanism) wrote,

we don't mean anything we say

People in general tend to inspect things more closely when they find themselves unsatisfied but I'm learning quickly that it is often that insatiable curiousity to over-evaluate events, people, emotions, words, love, etc. that makes everyone so fucking miserable.

Have we really been driven to the point where a compliment isn't just a compliment anymore? It means they want something from you -- stuffed flattery, lipstick dried on yellowed tissue, the Call Me! slowly fading to gray, your hands in their jeans, their lips on your neck, cheap and vile and easily disposed of -- something.

Everyone has a double meaning to what they're saying and if they don't, they're subject to the same evaluation as those who do imbue words with double meanings because everyone is so frightened of being forward nowadays. I understand the fear that comes with the enigmatic qualities of people, the frightening concept that maybe this person you're pouring your love into is a hollow shell. Shallow, ostentatious, cold, sick but most likely? They're scared too.

Fear is of the worst feelings in the world. Fear, greed, power will eat you up inside until you're too scared or too apathetic to do anything that would bring you the things that would make you truly happy.

I used to be active in promoting trust until trust is broken but I'm propelling into pessismism. Somewhere, I've lost the phrase I love you and I can't find it anywhere. I've lost it in the tangled vines of the falsity, resentment, and a loss of faith in humanity.

Can someone renew my faith card please? I think my idealist is overdue and I'm wasting plenty optimism on struggling to breathe. It seems every story has a tax today and I'm worn down from the sugar pills I swallowed this morning. My headache hasn't gone away.

But I'm not the only one who's lost it. They have too.

Maybe having no one to say it to puts us of practice.
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