amishmechanism (amishmechanism) wrote,

long, long ago.

To my dearest friend,

One who is weak in will is weak in mind. One who is weak in mind is weak in heart. A heart does not deserve a beat if it beats so faintly that no one can hear it. A mind does not deserve a thought if it cannot be communicated in confidence. A will does not deserve strength if it allows itself to die without a fight. Swallow your pride and grow a spine. Speak against me! Refuse me!

Praise me no more. I will shelter you no longer. I refuse to be the mothering hand to comfort you. I will not stand by and allow you to depend on me. Do not trust me to resist manipulating you. Be wary. Be frightened. Be paranoid. Putting faith into all you cross is a foolish thing to commit to. Why do you insist on being weak? Why do you insist on using others as tools to validate your existence?

I have been watching you. I have been watching you smile and laugh and bow to every man who holds your hand. Do you dare cross the road with out a parent to hold you? Can you jump over a puddle without the fear of asphyxiation? No, you can't. You need someone. You expect acceptance from those around you, and yet, you can hardly look at yourself in the mirror and accept who you are. You are a leech, a parasite, feeding off of attention.

Go, you histrionical whore. Go to your man, he's calling you. He's planning your week and telling you when and where and how to do things. Don't tell me this is your choice. You do not choose, you do not lead. You follow. Anything you believed, any shred of personality you had left, is rid of now. It has been plunged into the muddy grounds of this earth alongside hopes and aspirations. Maybe you will join them, one day. Maybe your soul will be reunited with its purpose.

Would you like for me to deliver your eulogy? Do you want me to spit praise upon you? A sweet sentiment for your corpse? You have been dead to me since the first instance in which we agreed. What will you do now, corpse? Will you rot away without a word? Or will you rise again? Speak against me! Refuse me! I want you to struggle. I want you to abandon apathy and contradict me. I want you to murder me.

I swear I'll love you if you do. Just grow a spine, vertebrae by vertebrae. Just grow a fucking spine.

Signed: Your darling mother.
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